I Often Wonder About Myself...
Sunday, April 11
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*UnFat*
~Well, I do believe my current mood/attitude will somehow ruin Easter. I managed to ruin every other big day in the past year. so why not this one!? We have $20 to our name. BJ needs diapers or pull ups and we dont have any Easter dinner. I figured I would be able to go get some chicken or something but that's not going to happen. Mom got invited to Tom's mom's house for dinner so she is covered. In the meantime..........
I am sitting here starving myself trying to become *unfat* again. Mom now weighs less than I do. And I really don't want to hear any of the "You have 2 kids" BS b/c that's not why and it gets old. I am overweight for my hieght, not by much at all, only like 3-5 lbs/ but still! I have never had an issue with my weight, and it REALLY bothers me.
BJ loved his basket and Ali loved her toys. So that is the only real good thing coming out of this day..... for now. It could be worse though. One of the guys upstairs from me got called for duty, (Marines) and leaves today. How screwed up is that? I guess I should call mom and see if she wants to have the egg hunt at her place. Tah for now~
~ Love * Love ~
~(~@ ~M~ @~)~
11:42 AM
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Friday, April 9
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......*I Never Meant To Fade, Away*......
Fade: Verb:
1 : to lose freshness, strength, or vitality : WITHER
2 : to lose freshness or brilliance of color
3 : to sink away : VANISH
I swear that's what is happening to me. I am fading away. Well, the old me is. Being cooped up in this house has really taken it's toll on me. But then again, I don't want to go anywhere! How does that make sense? All I do is sleep now. I think I am sinking into some sort of depression here. I go to bed between 2-3 am, sleep til about noon or so, get completely exhausted by 5-6, but I fight it til my normal bedtime. Man, I miss my Ambien! I would take it at 9-10 and be out within an hour. Wake up about 8-9 and be fine.
I think my kidney problem is starting to either get worse or it's staying the same and my body don't like it. lol My back has been iffy, no huge flare ups for a while now, but still hurts. I just feel like I am not the same person I used to be!
I have 2 kids now, and yeah that plays a big part in everything, but I see people with more kids than me and they are fine. I try and remind myself that my body is still trying to deal with what happened to me last summer, but that was almost a year ago! I should be better by now, right? I just don't feel 22. I feel 42 and fading. I am fading into an old bitty. I am becoming someone who can't handle stress, yet I look for stress to keep me going.
The only way I can keep myself busy is to keep my mind going. If I try and relax with the kids, I feel like I am going to pass out. As long as my mind is in overdrive I can keep going. I don't know, i just thought I would informyou all of what the hell I am fa ing right now. STRESS and FADING.
Emotion: Stressed
Song: Fade, by Staind
Day: Really Nice ;)
~ Love * Love ~
~(~@ ~M~ @~)~
3:11 PM
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Friday, April 2
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!!!HI!!!
So let me see.....hmmmmmmmmmmm.....The radio station I listen to (933) has these 2 DJ's that hooked up and had a baby. Well, the mom, we'll call her D, made a baby journa; for all the listeners to kinda get a glance at what was goin on. So Me being me read it one day and got hooked. I feel like I know her! LOL She is so cool. Most people would keep somethoing like that to themselves and not want a big huge aud. but not her. LOL She even had a baby shower with some of the listeners!!!
She would write in her journal asking if this and that were normal so the listeners would get involved and all. I was talking to her a few nights ago and she told me she might be in labor. well guess what!!??? She was. She had her lil girl and now she has her own little space in the world. Pretty cool huh?
So anyrate! I thought about having a plaque type thing made for the baby, kinda show my support or some BS like that. What do you think? I wanna be a DJ on the radio! waaaaaaahhhh......LOL..... So BJ is all being weird latley. Alicia is teething.....AGAIN!!! And not being quiet about it. We went out to dinner the other night, and she just screamed thru the whole thing. I was having a Bailey's on the rocks, well...my 4th, and I was all like *OK, time to go*. So we left early. She fell asleep in the car, then passed out again at home and slept till like 8am.
I talked to a lady at Tutor Time up by my house. She was asking me what I wanted out of a learning center and all. We will be putting Branden in there for a trail P/T thing for one week to see how he does. It will only be 3 days a week for 4 hours. I hope he does ok in there. :-? Only time will tell...I guess...
Josh is doing okie fine, I think. He doesn't tell me much. I am ok. Sinus thing goin on, but that's what happens in spring...I hope all is well out there in Nowhere-Land.
PeAcE
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~(~@ ~M~ @~)~
9:39 PM
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