I Often Wonder About Myself...
Friday, April 9
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......*I Never Meant To Fade, Away*......
Fade: Verb:
1 : to lose freshness, strength, or vitality : WITHER
2 : to lose freshness or brilliance of color
3 : to sink away : VANISH
I swear that's what is happening to me. I am fading away. Well, the old me is. Being cooped up in this house has really taken it's toll on me. But then again, I don't want to go anywhere! How does that make sense? All I do is sleep now. I think I am sinking into some sort of depression here. I go to bed between 2-3 am, sleep til about noon or so, get completely exhausted by 5-6, but I fight it til my normal bedtime. Man, I miss my Ambien! I would take it at 9-10 and be out within an hour. Wake up about 8-9 and be fine.
I think my kidney problem is starting to either get worse or it's staying the same and my body don't like it. lol My back has been iffy, no huge flare ups for a while now, but still hurts. I just feel like I am not the same person I used to be!
I have 2 kids now, and yeah that plays a big part in everything, but I see people with more kids than me and they are fine. I try and remind myself that my body is still trying to deal with what happened to me last summer, but that was almost a year ago! I should be better by now, right? I just don't feel 22. I feel 42 and fading. I am fading into an old bitty. I am becoming someone who can't handle stress, yet I look for stress to keep me going.
The only way I can keep myself busy is to keep my mind going. If I try and relax with the kids, I feel like I am going to pass out. As long as my mind is in overdrive I can keep going. I don't know, i just thought I would informyou all of what the hell I am fa ing right now. STRESS and FADING.
Emotion: Stressed
Song: Fade, by Staind
Day: Really Nice ;)
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3:11 PM
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