I Often Wonder About Myself...
Saturday, December 8
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Today, I told a story...I told a story to a friend...it was my story, my story about my life and how bad it has been. Everytime I tell *my story* I cry or clam up for days on end...But this time I didn't, I felt okay, I felt like what I was saying and feeling was okay, like the person on the other end was there for me and I didn't have to be afraid and I didn't have to go into details! It was nice...I never really had to tell anyone what was going on because they either witnessed the crime, or already knew just from the past and the look in my eyes.
I wasn't always loud and I wasn't always the first to jump up and tell you where to go and how I would help you get there...I was shy, sweet, and inocent...A lot has changed...I was the quiet kid, I got into trouble at school gbut never had the bad kid rep...The day I found out my family were a bunch of lying sacks of-------------- *fill in the blank*, my whole world turned over...then I got sick, I started to depend on daily shots and food measurements to live to see the next day....Thats when I rebelled...After countless times of hearing how I was nothing and how i would never be anything from some of the closest people to me...I gave up, I then began to make myself a nothing, I purposely did everything in my power to fail...but at the same time everyone was helping me do the best at failing...i had no help...Let me tell you all somewthing!
Your mom and dad or whoever you live with do not have the right to tell you who or what you are or who and what you'll be...they do not have the right to set your patrhs for you...You all have a heart a mind and a voice all your own...God gave it to you and he did not let his son die for our parents to tell us all the crap they want in order for us to be the way they want us to be...I am sorry if anyone is offended but its the truth...I am using my God given gift of speach and I am happy to do so. I will not sit back and watch someone ruin their child's life..I watch my world crumble at my feet when I was younger and today it is so clear, I wish I had more understanding then, i wish I had the full use of my voice and will power. I am so rambling...but i felt it needed to be said...I love you all and I am sorry for being a pain in the ass,.....
~M~
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5:44 PM
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